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Unfiltered

Expression through words is timeless.  It leaves a mark even after the author is long gone from this life.  It tells a story only that person can tell.  Each reader interprets written works differently and it can leave them feeling changed upon completion.  Words are powerful.

     This is why I love writing so much.  This is also why I like to focus my energy on various genres.  I love making up stories and developing characters, but I also like to write unfiltered about emotion and life experiences.

     Some may say I give too much and should filter myself at times, but I sometimes think the best work is a product of pure, raw, unfiltered emotion.  My reasoning for this is that I know in whatever I am feeling or whatever I am going through, I am not alone.  Sure it may be cathartic to write about fears, emotions, past experiences and such, but it can also help a reader/readers experiencing much the same.  It lets them know they are not alone.  Sometimes that is enough to push for…
Recent posts

Destroyer of Darkness Continues

https://channillo.com/series/destroyer-of-darkness/ to read the third installment in the series titled A Fate Worse Than Death.  It will be released on 11/30/2018.  

Destroyer of Darkness

A late, midwestern, fall breeze carried the earthy scent of dead and decayed leaves with it, in an off the beaten path, one-stoplight town, I called home. Nothing was unusual, thereby making it impossible to predict or anticipate what occurred. People came and went, per the norm. Things had been quiet. No prevention, preparedness, or defensive attack could've stopped what was unleashed. A tornado, landslide, storm, or fire did not cause this. A natural disaster couldn't be capable of this type of destruction. Many people I grew up knowing died. Their deaths, unnatural and gruesome, boggled the minds of us all, both civilian and police alike.
Each victim experienced something so fearful and frightening that it killed them instantly and soundlessly. No audible screams or sounds of distress echoed through the night. No trauma or any acute injury resulted in the many dead. Nothing supported sudden illness or disease. The victims within my community, previous to their death, had b…

Quiet Mornings to Slay the Day

I have been getting up earlier so I can treat myself to a quiet breakfast and coffee before embracing the chaos of sending three kids off to school for the day.  It's been nice.  I get the weather report and talk to my husband without shouting over a noisy household just so he can hear me.  Talking is nice.  Normal tones are nice.  Quiet is nice.

Let's face it, we all need a break from the noise once in a while. A small amount of quiet time can do wonders.  It can prepare you for the hustle and chaos to come.  It can leave you refreshed and more at ease.  It can leave you more tolerant to daily stressors. 

I used to think getting up early was stressful in itself.  I have never been a morning person, until recently.  I was always an afternoon person, prior to now.  I found that it isn't stressful to get up early like I had anticipated it being.  It is soothing.  It is good for maintaining my relationship with my husband, once we are both awake enough to converse.  Coffee fi…

Repression Resurfaces

“One writes primarily to free oneself from oneself.” 
― Marty Rubin

Writing has always helped to heal and mend my heart.  It is an escape for me where I call all the shots.  It is the best form of therapeutic release.  It can be self-revealing, and it can be self-indulging by taking me away from my current feelings, thoughts,  and circumstances.  Today, it is more of a self-revelation. - Amy Kniepkamp



I believe in real ghosts, but I do not fear them as a whole.  What haunts me is not an entity or spirit, it is my past.  I have repressed things that have happened to me over the years.  I try to be a good Christian woman and forgive and there were times that I thought I had forgiven, but I didn't.  I merely repressed. 

The thing about repression is that those thoughts, feelings, and memories will resurface.  The mind can only push things down for so long and then the memories and the pain resurface.  Your mind has to try to make sense out of something you were never able to make sense…

Panic Attacks

Living with a major depressive disorder, anxiety with panic disorder, and PTSD is not easy.  It is living with these issues that makes me strong.  That is the previous message of the last post I published.  The key words in the previous statement are, living with it.  Notice I didn’t say that I survive with it or I exist with it.  The living is the part that takes a pretty intense amount of strength and in my case medical intervention.
I am much better with the medications I take and I am not ashamed to need to take them.  I am better for having those medications and so is my family.  They see a healthier, active, more vivacious person as a result and I am more of the person I want to be.  I still worry more than the average person, sometimes to the extent that it freezes me where I stand (Yes, stress paralysis is a thing.).  It depends on my personal threshold and where I am on a given spectrum of okay to full-blown panic attack if I am going to pass the point of no return (where the…

Growth and Fear

I am pretty sure I am becoming wiser with my age. The realization finally hit, I cannot do it all. I have said these words repeatedly and even spoken of the impossibility of anyone being able to "do it all," but I don't think the heaviness of the truth within those words went fully appreciated. They were words before that would just echo through the house as I frantically jumped from one task or one kid to another, but those words never stopped me from trying to do it all. Those words did not slow me down. 

This past August, all three of my children started a new school year, and for the first time, all three of them had a full day of school. We did not have any more preschool or kindergarten kids home half or more of the day. This was the beginning of my first experience in thirteen years of being able to do what I needed to do without interruption and for me to start writing again on a consistent basis. 

I imagined, I would have a lot of time freely available, but truth …