Skip to main content

Overcoming Pain

They say there is a reason for everything.  Some will say that God doesn't give you more than you can take, but I don't believe this to be true.  I think he allows for a combination the of elements of chance in this world and of free will to rain down so that we can come to lean on him.  It is often in times of intense pain or hardship that we feel God the most.

We all have a history.  We all have pain.  Out of respect, any time I write of my own personal struggles, I do my best to never mention names and am as ambiguous as possible.  People could make inferences all they want, but the whole truth lives solely in my heart and mind.  The point is, no one knows the depth and secrets of another's heart, even those we find closest to us (go ahead and flash on the 1997 movie Titanic with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.  Can you hear the theme song?). 

Often those that hurt us may not even know that they have done so and other times they may be the only other person who knows because they have been told so.  Be cautious,  making inferences about another's pain can cause undue pain in and of itself.  It may not even be about who you infer it to be about.  Ask if you must (though respect if they are not ready to reveal all).  Those that do know without a doubt they are the cause of another's pain,  are often repentant or full of regret whether it is verbalized or not unless they have a psychological pathology in which they enjoy inflicting pain, and that is outside of what is intended to be discussed here. Some people just don't handle discussing emotions well.   People handle emotions and pain differently, which is why matters of the heart and mind are so complex, and why many, like myself, seek the help of a therapist or trusted individual outside of the realm of their pain.

Mistakes and bad judgment are the perfect recipes for the hurt and while they cannot be undone they are often regretted.  Truth be told, we have all caused pain and have all been recipients of it, or we would be dead.  If we were dead all the good things in life die with the pain and life could not get better without living it.  (There will always be better days, please remember this.)

The people that cause us pain, generally speaking, do so out of their own pain and in so often lies reason and/or an explanation somewhere.  We may discover that reason and it also may be a mystery that leaves us baffled.  We often don't know who hurt the person that hurt us.  Pain is often a chain reaction.  It is a burden that travels through lineages and is influenced by internal and external factors that are sometimes in our control and sometimes not.  Pain begets pain and burden begets burden until we stop, think, and ask ourselves why.

The why is what often sets people free.  It doesn't make excuses for all the ailing evils and blunders in the world and it doesn't make it okay, but it does give one the ability to see that often the pain we feel or the heavy weights in our hearts are not our faults, not asked for, not excusable, but are sometimes explainable, thereby making the pain more forgivable.

Is the pain there to stay?  Does it ever go away?  I truly do not know.  Just because we forgive, doesn't me we forget.  It doesn't mean that the pain did not assist in shaping who we are.  It doesn't mean we cannot find joy.  It does mean that pain doesn't have to become or define who we are.  

***Disclaimer:  I am not responsible for the song My Heart Will Go On being in your head the remainder of the day.  
     ***Okay. . . .  Maybe I might be a teensy bit responsible, and for that, I apologize.


Popular posts from this blog

Book Review on Lilli De Jong (A novel by Janet Benton)

When I first opened this book and read the following quote right before the beginning of the novel text, I was astonished by the extreme hardships that unmarried mothers endured, and I was immediately emotionally drawn to the story of young, banished Quaker and unwed mother, Lilli De Jong: “Every other door…is closed to her who, unmarried, is about to become a mother. Deliberate, calculating, villainy, fraud, outrage, burglary, or even murder with malice afterthought, seems to excite more sympathy, more helpful pity, more efforts for the reclamation of the transgressors than are shown towards those who, if not the victims of others, are the worst but illustrations of human infirmity.” -annual report of the State Hospital for Women and Infants, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1880.
The format of the book is written as if you were reading Lilli’s diary and takes place in the late 19th century.It was very raw, personal, emotional, and vividly informative.The writer created a true visual of what…

Parenting is Constantly Adaptive and Evolving

Just when I think I am in the know in this go-go world when it comes to raising kids, I discover I am without a clue.I, like most parents, go with the flow and take each day as it comes.  I hope for the best.I try to put myself into the shoes of three very different children at three very different ages every single day.I think about how it is my job and my husband's predominantly to shape them into functioning and capable adults, who can hopefully thrive on their own at some point.
It’s scary and intimidating, and I am not a newbie at this by any means.My oldest is thirteen now, so I have been at it at least that long.I have also read many books that stipulate how to parent – the conclusion, while many have similar themes and characteristics, is that all kids are different and you have to adapt to the kid and the situation.This is learned over time, while said child continues to changes over time.It is a constantly adaptive cycle.
There is no straight forward black and white way…

Kniepkamp Family Lasagna Recipe

By:  Josh and Amy Kniepkamp

1 Jar of your choice red sauce
1 Jar of your choice white sauce
Your choice of meat or meat substitute (Last time I used Turkey Breakfast Sausage)
Season to taste with:
Italian seasoning
Garlic powder
Parsley crushed and dried or fresh
2 cups Shredded Mozzarella
2 cups of cottage cheese
1 cup Parmesan cheese
2 Tbsp parsley, to blend with cheese and some for dusting on top of lasagna
1 egg (If you don’t eat eggs there are vegan substitutes listed online.)(The egg is used to solidify the cheese mixture to make the lasagna more sturdy and less runny or juicy; it is for aesthetics mostly and does not hugely affect the flavor.) Box of non-boil lasagna noodles
1.  Cook meat or ready meat substitute if you are using one. 2.  Add both jars of sauce to meat or meat substitute.Mix until orange in color and add seasoning to taste. 3.  Mix in a separate bowl the cottage cheese, mozzarella,Parmesan, and egg – (or egg substitute if desired) 4.  Spray d…