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Overcoming Pain

They say there is a reason for everything.  Some will say that God doesn't give you more than you can take, but I don't believe this to be true.  I think he allows for a combination the of elements of chance in this world and of free will to rain down so that we can come to lean on him.  It is often in times of intense pain or hardship that we feel God the most.

We all have a history.  We all have pain.  Out of respect, any time I write of my own personal struggles, I do my best to never mention names and am as ambiguous as possible.  People could make inferences all they want, but the whole truth lives solely in my heart and mind.  The point is, no one knows the depth and secrets of another's heart, even those we find closest to us (go ahead and flash on the 1997 movie Titanic with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.  Can you hear the theme song?). 

Often those that hurt us may not even know that they have done so and other times they may be the only other person who knows because they have been told so.  Be cautious,  making inferences about another's pain can cause undue pain in and of itself.  It may not even be about who you infer it to be about.  Ask if you must (though respect if they are not ready to reveal all).  Those that do know without a doubt they are the cause of another's pain,  are often repentant or full of regret whether it is verbalized or not unless they have a psychological pathology in which they enjoy inflicting pain, and that is outside of what is intended to be discussed here. Some people just don't handle discussing emotions well.   People handle emotions and pain differently, which is why matters of the heart and mind are so complex, and why many, like myself, seek the help of a therapist or trusted individual outside of the realm of their pain.

Mistakes and bad judgment are the perfect recipes for the hurt and while they cannot be undone they are often regretted.  Truth be told, we have all caused pain and have all been recipients of it, or we would be dead.  If we were dead all the good things in life die with the pain and life could not get better without living it.  (There will always be better days, please remember this.)

The people that cause us pain, generally speaking, do so out of their own pain and in so often lies reason and/or an explanation somewhere.  We may discover that reason and it also may be a mystery that leaves us baffled.  We often don't know who hurt the person that hurt us.  Pain is often a chain reaction.  It is a burden that travels through lineages and is influenced by internal and external factors that are sometimes in our control and sometimes not.  Pain begets pain and burden begets burden until we stop, think, and ask ourselves why.

The why is what often sets people free.  It doesn't make excuses for all the ailing evils and blunders in the world and it doesn't make it okay, but it does give one the ability to see that often the pain we feel or the heavy weights in our hearts are not our faults, not asked for, not excusable, but are sometimes explainable, thereby making the pain more forgivable.

Is the pain there to stay?  Does it ever go away?  I truly do not know.  Just because we forgive, doesn't me we forget.  It doesn't mean that the pain did not assist in shaping who we are.  It doesn't mean we cannot find joy.  It does mean that pain doesn't have to become or define who we are.  


***Disclaimer:  I am not responsible for the song My Heart Will Go On being in your head the remainder of the day.  
     ***Okay. . . .  Maybe I might be a teensy bit responsible, and for that, I apologize.

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